Day 12

Not easy.  I was not content all day long.  It probably didn't help that I spent a good portion of the day surfing the 'net for raw food recipes.  But still.  It seemed like I ate a lot, but I just couldn't get satisfied.

THEN ... I started craving pizza.  Hot pizza.  With cheese.  Ooohey and gooey and oh no.  I seriously considered it.

Then I came up with a compromise.  Since I do not have a dehydrator, I have no way of creating a pizza crust.  So.  I made a crust out of dough and rolled it out, covered it with a teeny bit of jarred marinara sauce and then cooked it.

Then I put some raw cheddar cheese spread, chopped up (raw) mushrooms and red peppers, and little slices of squash -- and it was delicious and ended up quelling my craving.  Satisfying it big time.  Maddie even had three slices of it -- and deemed it "sick."  (This is good!)

So I guess the lesson here is -- if you're going to waver, seek a compromise that doesn't take you too far over the cliff, but instead is far less evil.  I mean in truth, all I ate that was bad was a little flour and a teeny bit of cooked sauce.  Again.  Not so bad.  And I don't feel in the least bit guilty -- instead I am proud of myself for handling it with such aplomb!

Day 11

When I woke up this morning I glanced at my watch and saw it was 10:30.  Oh wait!  You turn the clocks back, so it was only 9:30.  I closed my eyes and went back to sleep in that case!

Then I woke up an hour or so later and wondered why I wasn't springing out of bed.  Where was all my energy?  I've been eating exclusively raw for ten (going on 11) days, and I am starting to feel like, well, like normal.  And I'm not dropping any more weight either!  What is going on?

I read in bed for a while then got up and made myself a smoothie.  I filled it with maca powder and hoped that would rev me up a little.  

Then it all became quite clear when I was sitting at my desk and said to myself ... is that a cramp?  Do I have my period?

The amazing thing is that yes, I did have my period, but I HAD NO IDEA until the moment it came!  The only signs (not irritation, not bloating, painful boobs, etc) was feeling less euphoric than I expect to on a raw diet.  Like I said, I kind of felt like I do on cooked foods.  Okay, just not flying!  Hey!  I'll take it.  My periods have been getting really brutal the past few months, so to have this one arrive without any warning was lovely.  And, it explains the no weight loss!  Even better, I didn't GAIN weight through bloating.  I've just remained the same the past few days.

Oh, and also the incredible appetite I've had!  I managed to get myself full last night on all the good food, but I woke up this morning absolutely starving.  I've downed a few more fajitas, but I think I might need more!

No cravings for salt ... all is good.  

Now that I know what is going on!

Day 10

This morning I whipped up a bunch of things to take to my sister's for dinner.  I had asked her to get the heart of the meal -- all the veggies (and chicken for the non-raw people) while I put together sauces and dips.

It culminated in the most DELICIOUS Mexican meal.  I made (all raw of course) a cheddar cheese dip, some fajita "meat" (which was mostly walnuts) some sour cream and then spread all of that on a flour tortilla mixed with the marinated veggies, and I am telling ya right now, IT WAS TO DIE FOR.

Now, I had purchased some sprouted grain corn tortillas at the health food store, and my first fajita was in one of those.  But it was horrible.  It tasted like cardboard, and well, if it doesn't taste good, then I'm not going to bother.  So without a second thought I spread it all out on the flour (and yes, cooked) tortilla.  And you know, who cares!  It was so darn good.  I am still anxious to make my own dehydrated tortillas -- but until the dehydrator comes, I just have to make do.  Oh, and did I mention these were SO GOOD?

My niece had made my son a birthday cake (I was gone over his 13th birthday) and while everyone ate that I took a few bites out of a raw truffle that was just so sweet.  But I didn't feel deprived.  And really, cake isn't all that great!  I could have made something comparable, but I didn't really care.

I also bought some young Thai coconuts at the health food store and cracked one of those open.  Oh, they are so refreshing.  I kept wondering why I wasn't getting all zappy with energy, between that and the truffle.

I figured that out the next day.

Day 9

Well.

The morning started out great -- I was full of energy and ready to tackle the day.  I had plans to hike at 10:30, so I had a nice glass of cucumber juice early.  I was debating whether I wanted to make my green lemonade when I spotted the wheatgrass in the fridge.

Okay, let's do that.  I figured it would be good for a long hike.

I downed a glass, probably a little more than 4 ounces, then cleaned the juicer.  I wasn't even done with that when I started to feel queasy.  Not good.

The nausha (I can never spell it correctly, so this is my new way) kept getting worse, so I sat down at my desk and tried to ignore it.  Didn't work.

Then I thought, well maybe it was too much for an empty stomach.  So I ate a banana.

That didn't work either.

I ran to the bathroom and it wasn't pretty.   It was actually very violent and it didn't stop until the contents of my stomach were outta there.

I felt much better and made myself some mock tuna for lunch during my hike, and then just before I left for the hike I made a smoothie.

The hike was great -- it was a beautiful day -- but probably a little longer than a person who had tossed her cookies should have embarked on.  It was three hours and I felt light-headed at the beginning a few times.  After we sat down and ate, I felt much better, but boy, when I got home the hunger hit me like a ton of bricks.

I ate some more mock tuna with some dehydrated bread.

I had some chili pistachios.

I had some chocolate pudding.

But the bottom line is, it wasn't my best day.  I am feeling like you do when you don't feel great, and I'm not liking it.  The contrast between feeling like a million bucks and feeling like ten bucks is so incredible.  

I had some more smoothie and I guess I should just curl up with a book and chill out.

Tomorrow is another day.

And wheatgrass is NOT INVITED!

Day 8

Still feeling strong.

I had my hair done today and just wanted to do something different.  I have had my hair long and the same forever.  So I had her cut it to my shoulders.

It feels freeing.

That is the way I feel -- free.

Last night I laid in bed and all I could think of was that I was literally feeling the power of the universe go through me.

Freaky, for sure.  But it's how it felt!

I discovered that Pad Thai doesn't last for longer than two days.  Ewwwww.  It was a disappointment to take a bite and have it taste ... wrong.  I was starving and ended up eating a whole bunch of flax seed crackers and the onion dip (which I'm worried about going bad!) and that filled me up quick.  The dehydrated foods can be dangerous -- you don't realize that they are going to expand in your stomach when you're eating them, and they go down quickly.

All is good.  I don't feel cheated or like curling up with a big bowl of anything.

I am sated.

Day seven

Seven pounds in seven days.

I love that!

I am still feeling good.  Had a momentary OH NO moment when I went into a Dunkin' Donuts to get some cocoa for my daughter's soccer team.  I was hungry and there were munchkins all singing to me from their trays.  I thought, one little munchkin ...

And then I said no, I have some carrot sticks in the car.  Which I started chomping on as soon as I got out of that donut dive!  It's all about chewing, and you can pretend that a carrot is a donut.  Not that it works, mind you!  But you can try.

The Pad Thai that I made today was to die for.  Peter had a bowl full and even tried the onion dip.  I think he thinks that I will eventually give this up and start cooking dinner for him again.  He mentioned that if "this was going to continue" he would stop on the way home from work and get something to eat.

I didn't say anything.

Because this is going to continue.  And if he wants to eat at McDonald's and die a slow and painful death, then I am sorry about that, but we are all responsible for ourselves.

I take care of myself first.

Too bad it took me this long to realize that.

Day 5, Part 2

So here we are, many months later, and I find it interesting that in June I lost five pounds in five days, and the same thing happened in October.  Today is day six of my new journey into the world of raw and living food -- and I am excited.

Eating this way works.

It really does.

After I did the 30 days in June, I became less devoted to it, but by mid-August, I was on vacation and living it up -- by eating fried foods, and anything else I wanted to.

What happened?

I gained weight.

I lost my energy.

I became depressed when the seasons changed.

I started to feel body aches.

I wasn't happy.

Then I went to an Alissa Cohen Living On Raw Foods class, and while it wasn't so dramatic that it changed my life -- it absolutely has me rooted in the knowledge that this is the path that I must follow.  

And I am determined to do that -- despite the many obstacles that face me.

Like the fact that I have no easy access to fresh and organic food.

Or the fact that I have a family to feed who are not interested in going raw.

Or the fact that I have no support group -- no one who is interested in doing this with me.

What it means is that it is me, alone, doing something that is absolutely necessary for me.  It is necessary for me to lose weight and reclaim that vitality that is my birthright.

And I can do it.  

This morning is the first morning since the class that I am responsible for finding/preparing my own food.  The past five days in the class, three meals were taken care of.  It was heaven in that respect -- and amazing how easy it made it.  I didn't have to think about it at all.  And I was never hungry.  And if I was, then I ate something.

And that is what I need to do today.  I have to make things to have in the fridge ready to appease whatever craving I might have.  Or at the very least, appease my hunger.

I am full of energy, and I am hopeful and happy and calm and centered and focused and feel so damn good it just seems ridiculous to me that I would want to eat cooked food and have that taken away from.

It makes no sense.

So why do it?

To day six.